At one time or another we have all been in the position to help or support another person.
The more we care, the greater our desire to step in and do whatever is needed to alleviate the stress, pain or hardship of the one in need.
What I have seen happen many times, however (in my own experience as well as others), is that sometimes a sincere interest to help, followed by a variety of actions, turns out not to be helpful at all.
So what’s up with that?
In my perspective, instead of holding someone, giving support, comfort and love, including some physical acts of assistance, we can end up trying to carry their problem for them.
At first glance, that may seem to be just what the person in need needs, but think about it. When we pick up their load which may consist of problems of a variety of natures, the one in need is put into a position of being taken care of, rather than empowered to take care of themselves. What we do in these cases is enable them to be needy victims, which isn’t helpful at all.
The alternative would be to hold them. What I mean by that is to imagine metaphorically and even in some ways, physically, gently holding the person with love. The power in being with another without a need to rescue or fix, is far greater than stepping in to solve whatever problem is at hand. When we simply listen, love and give support without taking over, we are nurturing and empowering at the same time.
The fastest path for one to get their juju back is to know they are loved. When their lovableness, is clear, their value is also more easily seen. When one knows their value, they are more likely going to find that extra strength to do whatever is needed to solve, move through or recover from whatever their current life experience may be.
So the next time someone close to you is in trouble or pain, you may want to simply ask, “How can I support you”? Their response may be for you to just listen or it may involve some physical form of assistance, but whatever it is, they are empowered to identify what they need and to ask for help. Your role in holding them is to simply show up in a loving way that supports rather than fixes their problem.
Remembering that many of the times we are “trying to help”, we are actually doing the opposite and that is when we need to pause, ask and follow through in whatever way we can that maintains the person in need to be the one in control, not disempowered and dependent.