Re-feathering the Nest

Some parents can tend to become depressed when the nest empties, believing it is a sign of old age and that their life is closing in on the home stretch.

The truth is, life is not over until it’s over and taking advantage of the freedom that comes with being an empty nester is a great opportunity to experience life in a new way. Consider it re-feathering your nest.

A simple shift in perspective, seeing the great expanse of possibilities for having more time to spend together as a couple and to learn and grow in new ways, can actually be exhilarating, causing the couple to feel younger than ever.

It can also be a time to expand individual horizons.

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In order to give yourself away to the person you love, you have to know who you are! Now some people take this for granted, but very few of us know our gifts, essence, or uniqueness with fullness and clarity. What is unique and beautiful about you? If you don’t see it in you, how do you expect someone else to see it in you?

We were each delivered to the planet with a unique set of gifts in our being that cannot be replicated by anyone else. It is this uniqueness that makes us attractive to the one who will stay with us forever. It cannot be faked or pretended or put on.

The good news is that each of us is so marvelously unique and special that when we explore it, we find greatness!

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Regardless of the circumstances, the situation, a person’s history or the time in one’s life, guilt is not a particularly helpful state of mind. Guilt does not make anything better. It does not make up for past mistakes nor does it provide peace, and it is certainly not the best and most effective way to demonstrate love.

Somehow, somewhere along the line many of us were taught that it was good to use guilt as a reason to not do something good for ourselves. Some wear it as a badge of honor, showing how committed we are to others and how self-less we can be.

Some empty nester couples tend to feel guilty about turning their attention toward themselves when their chicks have left the nest.

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One of the most important things in creating and sustaining an alive relationship with someone else is to be very good at loving yourself.  It is in loving ourselves we practice the skills needed to love someone else.  It’s like going to the gym of relationships.  If you do not exercise regularly, you cannot call on your muscles to perform with ease and efficiency when needed in the moment. When it comes to relationships, you practice with yourself.  You be the person to yourself you want to be to others.  You treat yourself how you want others to treat you.  Most people want to skip this part.  You cannot give what you do not have. 

Trying to love others more than loving yourself is like trying to teach tennis when you’ve never played the game.

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